


I'll Be Seeing You

by straeon



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, But also not, Comfort/Angst, F/F, Femslash, Not Robron, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-05
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-13 02:55:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4505004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/straeon/pseuds/straeon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leyla comforts a drunk Carly, as they both realise the deeper feelings they have, before Carly leaves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Be Seeing You

**Author's Note:**

> Possibly see also: http://helenhuntingdon.tumblr.com/tagged/leyla%20x%20carly  
> http://helenhuntingdon.tumblr.com/tagged/carly%20x%20leyla

Leyla slammed the door open with bags of work and comfort shopping loaded in her hands, partly in frustration at her own worries she’d entirely failed to push from her mind, no matter what she did. Until she heard sniffing from the sofa and all thoughts of her own mistakes and all the people in her life for whom she never came first melted away when she saw Carly sitting there, a red eyed mess. Never had Leyla seen Carly this vulnerable - even when she was living in her van and her dad wasn’t talking to her, she kept herself together to get on with fleecing passers-by, until she met Leyla that way. It was obvious things must be particularly bad for her to be this upset and Leyla abandoned her bags carelessly over the floor and, rushing to shut the door, she tripped over them to get to her friend and flat mate’s side with concern etched on her face.

“Sorry,” Carly said groggily. “I’d have helped you with those but I’ve been… pathetically drowning my sorrows for a while now, I dunno for sure I can get up.” 

“What’s wrong, darling?” Leyla asked as she sat next to her and reached a comforting arm around her. 

“I - just,” Carly tried to say through sobs. “Just me. I’ve messed up so bad, Leyla,” she broke down, her head falling into her hands, then letting Leyla pull her closer, to wrap her arms around her shuddering body.

“Oh, it can’t be that bad,” Leyla tried to reassure her, not at all knowing if there was any truth in that. “I’m sure I’ve done worse.” Carly didn’t acknowledge her awkwardly forced laughter to try and lift her spirits.

“It is,” Carly said, straightening up, signs of her forced carrying-on facade appearing again. “I -I could go to prison,” she said as if just realising that reality.

“Carly,” Leyla said softly but with a firm touch as she made her tearful blonde housemate look her in the eye. “You’re drunk and panicking. You know, I _have_ been there. I’ve done stupid things for money- illegal things I regretted,” she told her, half guessing what had happened. “You didn’t - rob a bank! It’s not the end of the world.”

“You don’t know that,” Carly said, looking down, ashamed. “Maybe I deserve it. Everything I’ve done finally catching up with me. That’s karma, innit?” 

“No such thing,” Leyla said, shaking her head emphatically. “We get what we work for. This is what you do, right? What we both do, maybe. Surviving against the odds, picking ourselves up time and again… You’ve been working so hard, Carly, and that counts for something.”

“I’ve already messed that up though,” Carly cried, muffled behind her hands.

“No, no, you haven’t,” Leyla said, hugging her and panicking that she seemed to be making her feels worse. 

“And everyone hates me now.”

“No, that’s not true,” Leyla replied immediately, with her hands stroking down Carly’s shoulders as she looked into her water filled eyes. “Your dad loves you, that’s what you came here for, and _no matter what_ , he loves you. Other people in the village care about you, and I _know_ we’ve all done terrible things. Or still are… doing terrible things. Believe me… And me and Vanessa like you! And well, I l… I like you.” 

“Thanks,” Carly said, looking at her with big hazel eyes that Leyla couldn’t help but gaze back into with a warm smile. “I like you too.” 

With that, she leaned forward to roughly place her lips onto (or nearly onto) Leyla’s without warning, stunning the other woman for a moment in which she wondered how that had even come about. Then as she realised she should push her drunken friend away, Leyla shocked herself even more with the realisation she didn’t _want_ to push her away, to stop feeling her closeness, her warmth; that she wanted to wrap her arms around her and make her feel better, to show her that she was here. But not like this, she decided as she gently pushed Carly back, missing her immediately and having to force her eyes from her pink lips, especially knowing now how soft they were as well. 

“I’m sorry,” Carly stuttered, clearly embarrassed and assumming the worst, that she’d just pushed another person away with hasty thoughtlessness. 

“It’s fine,” Leyla smiled at her, raising her face back with a soft hand beneath her chin, so their eyes met again, so they could understand and see each other, in a way they both knew no one else could. “But you’re drunk and upset and-.”

“Really drunk,” Carly agreed. “And a criminal and possibly soon-to-be prisoner-”

“Let’s just deal with the drunk thing first, yeah?” Leyla interrupted gently, smiling her reassuring smile that always, without exception, made Carly feel better. And safe. “Let’s get you to bed and I’ll make you some hot steaming coffee…”

“Thank you,” Carly said, meaning it as Leyla helped her up and to the staircase, kicking her bags aside with her heels, an arm and her hands firmly around Carly’s shoulders.

“What are housemates for if not dealing with each other’s drunken episodes, eh?” She said, helping her up the stairs, laughing as Carly told her to be the one to get drunk next time, relieved that she was starting to forget why she’d even gotten drunk.

When they finally made it up the stairs, after a few knocks and stumbles, Leyla was relieved for once that Carly never managed to shut her door or make her bed as she could simply drop into her bed, lolling onto her back and groaning. 

“And Ross dumped me, by the way,” she said with her drunk short term memory failing to give any meaning Leyla might read into that, though Leyla couldn’t help but feel glad, for a number of reasons. She stopped herself from replying that at least they’d all get some more sleep now. “And you know what?” Carly continued, in her usual tone of sharing the story of the idiotic encounter of the day. “I was just about to dump _him_.”

“Ohh, isn’t that always the way,” Leyla said as she lay down carefully on the other side of the bed, as she sometimes sat on the side of Carly and Vanessa’s beds in her robe for a quick gossip, or moan about work before bed. “They know it’s coming, they see it in your eyes, with that male sixth sense they get only for when there’s a dumping, a barbecue or a strip club near. And they just swoop in to get there first,” she said, doing an exaggerated swooping motion with her arm to get a smile from Carly.

“As if any men have dumped you,” Carly said, still getting over her over-the-top laughter at Leyla’s words, which Leyla always loved, her complete belly laugh.

“Oh, they have,” Leyla disagreed. “Though mostly ‘cause I was gonna dump them, yeah.”

“Assholes,” Carly said and they both broke into laughter. “And he was a right wrong'un. Like my dad said. That’s where rebellion gets ya. Or, y'know, only dating for the sex.” 

“Yeah, he is,” Leyla agreed softly, looking away for a second at the mention of Ross and sex, which always bothered her. “I really should’ve helped you more with that one, warned you…”

“Nah,” Carly shook her head, a few times. “Don’t worry about it, I just would’ve told you to stuff it an’ all.” 

“Thanks,” Leyla smiled as Carly continued to laugh drunkenly.

“But I’ll listen to you next time,” Carly said. “About… advice stuff I mean. You always seem to know the right thing to do.”

“Yeah?” Leyla replied, looking away with embarrassment. “If only I ever followed my own advice.”

“What d'ya mean?” Carly asked and it was her turn to look at the other woman with concern. Leyla was tempted to unload and tell her everything when she might not even remember it the next day, but she realised she didn’t want Carly to know how bad her choices could be when she was looking at her so warmly. She didn’t want her to know she was (sort of) seeing someone at all either.

“Nothing,” she shook her head, hopeing to shake away thoughts of Jai and his mess of a life out of her mind as well. “You’re just not the only one making bad choices. Including those involving men.”

Carly nodded quietly, half distracted by the spinning ceiling. “But ya know,” she said finally. “It’s not just men you make shit choices with.”

“Yeah,” Leyla agreed, not sure if she wasn’t just rambling, but still, she would have known about that too, once, with someone she wouldn’t ever forget or regret though. 

“I guess everyone I choose is wrong somehow,” Carly said, making a face. “But thinking back… I should’ve just gone with the richest and I wouldn’t be here now.” 

“I can definitely see the appeal there,” Leyla laughed with her. “But I’m glad you’re here. Right here with me, right now. Just the two of us.”

“You know what? So am I,” Carly replied, and she reached out to join her fingers with Leyla’s, who held onto her hand tightly. She looked down at her, at how beautiful she was, with all the streaks of make up and red cheeks, in the faint light that streamed into the bedroom. 

“Can I get you anything?” Leyla asked finally, clearing her throat to stop the moment, which she knew was leading to places and feelings it shouldn’t, when she felt herself leaning down slightly closer to her while stroking her hand too intimitaly. She remembered that she was going to make her coffee.

“No,” Carly shook her head, not pulling her eyes away from Leyla’s. “All I want is… Can you stay here tonight?” 

“Of course,” Leyla answered instantly. She already knew she didn’t want to leave her now, or be pull herself away from her and back into the cold. “No point getting up to just go back to the next room, is there?” She joked, trying to make this seem more casual than it was.

“Poor dad, being stuck in a jail cell tonight, and all 'cuz of me, 'cuz he wanted to help me,” Carly murmured, her words quieter as she became sleepier. “But maybe I’ll be there soon too. Karma again, eh?”

“You don’t know that,” Leyla answered softly. “And his choices were his own.”

“But he wouldn’t have had to make them if it weren’t for me,” Carly said as she shook her head tearfully. “I shouldn’t ever 'ave come back.” 

“Don’t be silly,” Leyla told her immediately, inching closer over the mattress and looking down into her eyes. “You’re closer now than you were. You still are. And you care now where he is, yeah? Besides… Then I never woulda got to meet you.”

“I s'ppose,” Carly replied. “And I wouldn’t have met you either. Or… Vanessa. Prob'ly coulda lived without meeting Ross Barton,” she said, pronouncing ever syllable of his name like it was a bad taste. 

“I could’ve gone without you meeting him as well,” Leyla smiled at her.

“Yeah,” Carly agreed with the hint of a smile - a sleepy smile with drooping eyelids, that Leyla wouldn’t have been able to take her eyes off of, even if she wanted to. “Maybe if… I’d done things differently…”

“That’s easy to say in hindsight.”

“I know,” Carly whispered. “But. What I mean is. If I hadn’t been with him, maybe I wouldn’t have realised… who I should be with too late to do anything about it.”

“What do ya mean?” Leyla hesitated to ask, her heartbeat gaining pace as she was unsure she wanted to know the answer, any answer.

“I can’t tell 'em now, when I might not be here,” Carly said sadly.

“You _will_ be here,” Leyla insisted.

Carly smiled but didn’t giver her an answer. It was that smile again, so unguarded, that even if she didn’t tell Leyla everything, if they didn’t tell each other everything, it didn’t feel like it mattered, because they saw each other for who they really were, beneath all the mistakes and bad choices - but even those they both understood, like no one else with their accusations and looks of shame and disappointment and back turning could understand. 

And Leyla realised just how much she hoped Carly would still be here - that she couldn’t imagine her not here any more. Even if they were just convenient housemates, even if that’s what they remained as, she knew she didn’t want to miss her out of tune singing in the shower every day, her unconcious trash tv watching, her room-filling laugh as she spilt tea and her soup in a cup everywhere, her schemes and constant dreaming, that contradictory optimism beneath the moodiness she sometimes also had to live with but never resented, from knowing that just seeing or hearing her always brightened her dreary days, and lifted the heavier loneliness she always carried with her as of late.

“I’d miss you too much if you weren’t here,” Leyla said quietly as she lay her head down on her arm next to Carly, still watching her, as her eyes fluttered closed, not thinking before the words came out as she assumed she’d fallen asleep.

“Hmm?” Carly murmured, not opening her eyes but raising her eyebrows, sinking into the pillows lazily, giving the pillow beneath her a weak punch as she twisted her face uncomfortably.

“Nothing,” Leyla rushed to answer. “Go to sleep.” 

Carly grunted in agreement. 

“Good night.”

“G'night,” Carly said, turning away from her to lie on her side, pulling the pillow with her as she brought her arms and legs up together. “'nd I’d miss you too.”

Leyla inched closer again, smiling without having to censor herself, letting her arms touch Carly’s back lightly as she did finally drift off to sleep, caressing upwards over her rhythmic rising and stroking her long fingers through her light golden hair. Carefully feeling every tendril, leaving the softest of touches over her skin as she pushed her hair back from her face and then stroked it back, then sighed, finally letting out a breath she didn’t realise she’d held in as she reached for her. 

 

The next morning, Carly woke up first, sitting up with a start as the memories of the previous week flooded back to her, the all too familiar vision of a young, unassuming man being hit unconscious to the cold ground replaying itself in her mind. It had been since the moment it happened, with the sickening, sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach nearly making her double over, or crawl back into bed and hide for the day, from knowing that that happened because of her. And who knew what would happen to him next? Then came the look her father gave her every time he learned of a new disappointment from her, the beads of sweat over his face and his own look of shame at the things he’d also sunk to doing only to try and clear up her messes. 

“Ugh,” she groaned, her hands brought to her head, not knowing for a second if the pain knocking on the inside of her skull was from all that had suddenly brought her to a terrible start to the day, or how she’d sought to find the answers to her problems the previous night at the bottom of a bottle, which she failed and gave in to the lonely drinking, deciding that she needed it.

Then she remembered, what came after that, slowly as gentler memories returned. She turned to look at the only person who’d been there for her, not judged her, even if she deserved that, and not made things worse, or made her feel even worse. 

She wanted to reach out to wake her and thank her and tell her everything else she wanted to blurt out, or lie back down next to her - but she had other things she had to do. So she got up and ready and dressed quietly, giving Leyla a last glance, lingering in the doorway for a moment before she left. 

At least it didn’t take her long to find her dad, coming out of a taxi looking as much like hell as she felt, a pang of guilt hitting her before she remembered that despite everything, she had him as her dad again, and he had her now too. She could make up for any stupid mistakes or being a disappointing daughter, which was nothing new at least, but she wasn’t going to lose the relationship she’d salvaged with him, she wouldn’t keep letting him down or take him for advantage.

As more realities of the situation hit her, the throbbing in her head never going away, the only thing that lifted her heart for a second was seeing Leyla running down the stairs but of course she had to leave and she had to deal with this head on, on her own. 

But as she realised the reality was as bad as she feared at her worst, the panic and regret returned, as useless as they were - but even as she cleared her head as must as she could, she came to the same conclusion about what she had to do. She didn’t want to but it was what was best for everyone. And though she doubted she could prove to Brenda that she was wrong, that she didn’t only care about what she wanted, because this she didn’t want, she could at least prove to herself that she wasn’t that kind of person. Or at least she wasn’t any more. 

 

“How did it go? With your dad?” Leyla asked as she walked through the door and was again met with the sight of Carly sitting on the sofa, much more together than the night before, which Leyla hoped was a good sign.

“Fine,” Carly answered quietly.

“Fine?” Leyla asked uncertainly as she made her way over to Carly - to see the filled rucksacks around her. “What’s all this?” she demanded with worry in her voice.

“This… is what I can do do help him,” Carly answered carefully. “And Brenda. And everyone else who wants rid of me.” Her voice broke on the last words but she was sure. This was her decision of what to do about this whole mess and Leyla couldn’t judge her when she’d done the same thing herself. 

“Are you sure?” Leyla had to ask anyway. “Because… I’ve ran away from my problems before and I just want you to be sure that’s not what you’re doing now,” she added quickly before Carly argued about it.

“No,” Carly shook her head emphatically. “Though that’s a bonus, I’m not gonna lie. But it’s what I need to do.”

“Leave?” Leyla asked, in a whisper to cover the shake in her voice.

“Yeah,” Carly nodded simply. “I don’t _want_ to, Leyla, I’ll miss… everything- everyone,” she hesitated, looking down at her hands. “I’ll miss you, is what I mean.”

“I’ll miss you too,” Leyla replied with a nod, not meeting Carly’s eyes, knowing that if she did, the emotion would rise to the surface and be clear in them, to her. And she didn’t want to make this harder, for either of them.

“I have to go,” Carly said finally, regretfully. “Um. Make sure my dad sees… the note. That he doesn’t think I’m abandoning him.” Tears came to her eyes then, the ones she’d obviously been holding back, maybe for the whole day, that they both knew she’d shed with relief and all of her despair when she was on the road, alone again.

“Oh, come here,” Leyla said in her usual helpful housemate voice, stepping forward to wrap her arms around Carly before she had the chance to follow her instruction. She held her own body against hers, treasuring what could be the last moment with her, though she hoped it wouldn’t be. There was a thought in her head, that in that case… just in case… 

But she couldn’t lose someone else who meant so much to her, so he couldn’t make that move to make this more. They couldn’t just be another person for the other to miss. Holding her against her tighter, Leyla felt a pang of relief as Carly threw her arms around her neck with a gasping cry and buried her face in her thick, soft hair, memorizing how safe and warm this felt, as she let the scent of her shampoo and fragrance fill her, the ones she’d already 'borrowed’, and hoping this feeling would return to her whenever she used them. Or just smelled them to remember how for once in her life she’d found a home.

“Don’t, you’ll make me start,” Leyla said, forcing her cheerful voice to stay intact as she reluctantly pulled Carly back, with soft stroking down her shoulders and back, smiling into her face as she wiped away a tear gently and cupped her jaw for just a lingering second. 

“Sorry,” Carly said, wiping her face herself and composing herself. “I didn’t think I’d- I mean, I did but - not before - Will you help me with my bags?” She asked finally to force herself to move from this moment that she wished she could stay in forever.

“Of course,” Leyla replied, with a sinking feeling at the reality of the situation.

They both loaded the bags of stuff into Carly’s van, with focus on the task, only letting forced smiles and glances come between them before one last quick hug, entirely friendly in its nature, knowing everything they _could_ say, with and without words, had already been said.

“I’ll see you,” Leyla said pointedly. “Phone me, text me, whatever, if you need something.”

Carly nodded, knowing she couldn’t promise that any time soon, before she backed away with a wave. “I’ll see you.”

It wasn’t long after Leyla returned to the house that Bob arrived to find his daughter, when he didn’t know what to tell her, but he found the note that said it all, with the money. She did her best to comfort him, make sure he understood, without letting him now it was them both she was comforting, while they’d both been left behind.


End file.
